How Voldy Ended up Sleeping on the Couch
by anerol152
Summary: QLFC Round 8; introducing Ezra Skeeter and his gossip talk show! Today's guest : Harry James Potter


**Chaser 2 of Pride of Portree**

 **Prompt:** **What happens to Hogwarts?**

 **Optional Prompts:** **(song) 'Everytime We Touch' by Cascada; (word) blush; (dialogue) "Well played, Voldy."**

 **Word count : 903 (I swear that's what it says)**

 **A/N : This will be a Wireless talk show (of sorts) fic and I'm having Skeeter's cousin as a host. Sorry Harry darling but you just can't escape those nosy reporters. Ot their family. :|**

 **The 2nd half of the fic was written by a drunk Luna and Nargles… I am not to blame**

 **Oh and bet details will be on the bottom of the fic**

 **Disclaimer : I own nothing besides Ezra Skeeter I guess. But you can have him, Rita alone was enough.**

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 **How Voldy Ended up Sleeping on the Couch**

"' _ **Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.  
And every time we kiss, I swear I could fly.  
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.  
Need you by my side."**_

" _...And that was Cascada with her song_ ' _ **Everytime We Touch'**_ _. Truly a lovely witch with and even lovelier voice, don't you think? Oh, but this host knows you don't really care about Cascada as much as the current gossip. Who's dating who? Who broke the rules? And what can our very own 'Boy Wonder',_ _ **Harry James Potter**_ _say about the current Dark Lord and what he did with Hogwarts? So stay tuned as we'll go through all of this after these important messages..."_

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" _... Aaaand we're back! Man, those were some_ _ **really**_ _important messages. The Pepperup potion causing hair loss is important indeed. Now back to topic… Here we are with our special guest of the day, Mr Potter himself! Why don't you say hi to the audience?"_

" _Um… Hi?"_

" _Aww shy and modest, a true hero if you ever saw one. Now tell me, Harry, is it alright if I call you Harry?"_

" _You might as well Mr Skeeter."_

" _Ah, good. So tell me, Harry, what do you think of the current Dark Lord's reign over the Wizarding World?"_

" _What's there to think? He won, I lost. Everything changed and yet… it still feels the same to me."_

" _Could you explain that a bit more in detail?"_

" _There's still prejudice and Purebloods on top. Everyone still expects me to_ _ **save**_ _them from the big bad Dark Lord or just consider me to be simply insane. Sure, there are a few new rules and a fewer people alive but… it's not as bad as it could be. Hogwarts is still standing, as damaged as it was in the war."_

" _Oh yes, Hogwarts, the pride of wizarding Britain. I heard you were appointed as the new headmaster by the Dark Lord himself?"_

" _And wasn't that a_ _ **lovely**_ _surprise? But yes, I am the new headmaster and the person who is responsible for it's restoration. The war left it as little more than the ruins Muggles see when they walk by."_

" _That truly is a tragedy. For all of you that don't know, as unlikely as that is, the Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry has been the main source of the education of most, if not all, of Wizarding Britain since it was founded in the tenth century. It has been terribly damaged during the_ _ **Second Wizarding War**_ _and is currently in the process of being repaired. Do you have anything to add to that Harry?"_

" _We're doing as much as we can and I have no doubts that we'll be able to finish before the start of the school year. But it's still a lot of work and we could use all the help we could get."_

" _You hear that people, Hogwarts needs your help! So get your wands and take out your charm books people and let's all work together to make Hogwarts as great as it was! While we're on this topic, I remember promising my audience a little bit of gossip as well. And Harry, currently your love life is the top gossip. So I'll be blunt with you Harry. Is there any truth to the rumours of a secret relationship between you and the Dark Lord?"_

" _Excuse me? How the heck do you people even come up with this nonsense? No! No, there's no truth to that rumour!"_

" _And yet I see you blushing. What's to be said about that?"_

" _That there's too many Skeeters around here for my liking."_

" _Now, now. We can all see through that distraction tactic. And as a Skeeter, it's my job to find out the juiciest truth put there."_

" _And make my life miserable."_

" _Forget the Dark Lord, the two of us are soulmates!"_

" _...I think I'll rather take my chances with the Dark Lord."_

" _Aha! So you admit it!"_

" _...I can't believe I fell for that."_

" _You're not denying it."_

" _What would be the point? You'll just twist my words any way you want."_

" _And get a raise while I'm at it."_

" _Get a rais… Did_ _ **he**_ _put you up to it? Oh, Merlin he did, didn't he! I had to spend over an hour in a room with_ _ **a Skeeter**_ _because of_ _ **a bet**_ _? "_

" _You got it! By the way, the Dark Lord sends his regards."_

" _That son of a b****! I agreed to be the bloody headmaster! And that's how he thanks me? Well, guess who's sleeping on the couch!"_

" _You have been meaning to say that for a while, haven't you? Hey now, there's no need for you to glare at me like that. Right… so, anything you wish to add?"_

" _Too many things that shouldn't be said on the radio?"_

" _Let's not say them then."_

" _Fine... Well played, Voldy, well played. Oh, and you're still sleeping on the couch. I'm not going to forget this for a long,_ _ **long**_ _time."_

" _Well, that's it folks for today. It's been a pleasure Harry, I hope we can do this again sometime."_

" _I wouldn't count on it. No, really. Just leave me alone."_

" _I can't promise that I'm afraid. Heh. So once again you have been listening to_ ' _ **Top Gossip'**_ _. I am your host Ezra Skeeter and I wish you a good night full of gossip! Goodbye!"_

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 **A/N 2 : So the bet was something along the lines of Harry publicly admitting that they're in a relationship of just Harry picking Voldie or his side publicly. The loser would have to spend a whole day with Bella and Severus, shopping. It does sound like a nightmare, doesn't it? And since Voldie won… well you already saw what happened, or well what** _ **won't be**_ **happening to him. ;)**


End file.
